The one about being perfect

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it, but I do CrossFit. Unlike Fight Club, the first rule of CrossFit is to tell everyone about it, usually multiple times a day, whether they want to listen or not.

It’s been hot this week too. Really hot (for the UK at least). And the heat and CrossFit combined to provide the inspiration for this.

Working out in the heat isn’t the most pleasant of things. It’s hot, it’s sweaty, and it’s messy. Naturally (in my case anyway), this leads to the swift removal of clothing. Go into any Box anywhere in the world and there’ll be shirtless men and women working out in sports bras. This isn’t anything to do with vanity or showing off; it’s purely practical and a way of trying to stay cool.

Yet, this week, a good friend said after a particularly sweaty workout: “I’d like to strip off but I’m going to wait until I’m in better shape until I do.”

My infinitely wise and sensible wife then pointed out: “But what if this is as close to perfect as we’re going to get? What if we never reach a place where we’re perfectly happy with everything? If not now, then when?”

In all walks of life, so many of us get caught up in a quest for perfection - falling so far into the trap of always wanting more that we’re never present - we’re always looking three or four steps ahead and thinking, when we reach that place, we’ll be happy.

But what if we never get there? What if we’re too busy looking ahead and chasing the next thing (whether it’s a promotion at work, a bigger house, or the washboard abs) that we fail to appreciate the moment we’re in right now?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big believer in pushing and trying to better myself. And I’m as guilty as anyone for letting the present pass me by because I’m too focussed on striving towards a future.

The ‘shoulds’ start to dominate. I should be earning more money. I should be doing something more worthwhile with my life. I should be stronger and faster than I am. I should look better naked. I should have a bigger house, a better car, be a better father, a better husband, help people less fortunate than me, have more free time...the list goes on.

This isn’t to say striving to achieve these is bad. It’s not (especially wanting to look good naked). But it’s so easy to drown in the shoulds. I know, I’ve been there. We get so lost in chasing the idea of what and who we think we should be that we lose sight of the simple joy of being who we are right now, of celebrating how far we’ve already come, of realising that we have the power to make our own perfect.

Perfection isn’t a place we reach, it isn’t a quest we get to complete, it isn’t an end game. 

This speech, from Friday Night Lights (read the book, watch the movie, then watch the TV series, they are both excellent and Explosions in the Sky provide the soundtrack) sums it up for me:

“Now, ya'll have known me for a while, and for a long time now you've been hearin' me talk about being perfect.

“Well I want you to understand somethin'. To me, being perfect is not about that scoreboard out there. It's not about winning. It's about you and your relationship to yourself and your family and your friends.

“Being perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye and know that you didn't let them down, because you told them the truth. And that truth is that you did everything that you could. There wasn't one more thing that you could've done.

“Can you live in that moment, as best you can, with clear eyes and love in your heart? With joy in your heart?

“If you can do that gentlemen, then you're perfect.”

Clear eyes. Full heart. Can’t lose.

Be present. Be your beautifully brilliant and wonderful selves. Believe in your own innate capacity to be spectacular. That’s all the perfect you’ll ever need. And it's more than enough.

Until next time,

TT x